Wednesday, October 31, 2007

I'm Not in the Mood

I am soooo not in the mood today.
I'm not in the mood for being awake. I'm sitting here, wearing my cozy robe, drinking my Spark, playing on my fancy computer and I'm irritated. I should be enjoying myself. I've been up for a loooong time already and it's been completely silent. All kids are in bed and I could do just about anything I want at this point. Normally, this is what I'd like to be doing. Sitting in my cozy comfy robe with my laptop in complete silence.
But I'm irritated. Irritated because I, for the second day in a row, was awakened before dawn (ok, today it was 6:30, but yesterday was 5:30 and that's early for me these days) with this stupid cough. I am so tired of coughing. I get the purpose of expel all this dadgum mucous from my lungs so I don't drown in it and die a disgusting, mucous-laden death. I get that. But what's with all this dry coughing? I don't think a person should be expected to cough if nothing comes along with it. A dry cough is a complete and total waste. Gives you nothing except a sore throat and a headache after a while. I have had this cough on and off for oh, about 3 months. It comes and goes. And right now, it's brutal. It's almost constant. If I can meditate myself into a moment of complete stillness and silence, it almost stops for about 3 minutes. But it doesn't last. Because, as I may have mentioned before, I have three children (under 5) and complete silence and stillness is not first on their list of priorities.
It's gotten ridiculous. I can't even gripe at the kids without stopping midway through my rant and coughing like an 80-year-old man who just kicked a 4-pack-a-day cig habit.
Are you tired of hearing this? Good, because I'm tired of complaining. I just wanted to let you know why I wasn't sending some peppy, I-am-so-in-love-with-my-kids message today. I know it could be worse and I am going go sit silently and thank God that I have this cough because it means my body knows how to heal itself and that it will, eventually, go away. I will thank God that I have a cozy robe and a fancy computer and a comfy leather chair to whine in. I will thank God that a cough is all I have to deal with in my life. Because really, I am so blessed.
But I'm still irritated.

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