Wednesday, August 13, 2008

You're Not the Boss of Me

I quit boot camp. There, I said it. I quit boot camp. I said it again.
It's been super hard for me to admit that. I don't like to quit anything. Ever. It makes me feel like a sad loser, but I had to do it. Ok, well, I didn't have to. I wanted to. Sort of.
Honestly, I'm not sure that I really quit. In fact, tonight would have been my second night of this session and I already miss it, so I'm 99.9% sure that this is just a break. I'm not sure why I felt that I needed to, but all signs pointed to me taking a break. I've been dreading this session starting for some reason, so when my friend called to say she couldn't go Monday night and then Aaron said "I wish you weren't going tonight," it took me about 4.2 seconds to call the instructor and tell her I was sitting this session out.
I've been worried about my decision for the past three days. Even though I feel some relief and not having to go, I think I needed a break. But why did I need a break from something I loved?
I figured this much out. It wasn't just this session. I was the same way last session. So much so that I refused to do much of anything pertaining to exercise on our "off days." As if that is hurting someone else somehow. "You force me to do boot camp on Monday/Wednesday/Saturday? Well, then, I will sit on my fat ass on Tuesday/Thursday/Sunday. I will also eat junk and gain weight instead of losing. See? YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME! So there!" (For the record, I'm not sure who the YOU is in these sentences. If it is somehow me, then that means I'm telling myself that I'm not the boss of myself, which is weird because if I'm not the boss of me then that means someone else is the boss of me and I don't like when someone else bosses me. Got it?)
This is what it all boils down to for me. Once something starts to feel like something I have to do instead of something I choose to do, I don't like it anymore.
So basically, I quit boot camp because I felt forced, yet had no problem jumping out of bed to do 3 miles on the treadmill this morning because I chose to do it. (Ha ha, Self. You aren't the boss of me because I am the boss of me!)
Is anyone else starting to think that maybe therapy is another thing I shouldn't have quit?

1 comment:

Yo Sista said...

OMG this post is so ME!!!! We do have a lot more in common than we both admit!!!

Please let me know when you figure out who "you" is....I fight with this person every time I try to exercise or eat right!!!