The recession has officially hit us. Actually, I think it hit us about 4 years ago, when I stopped working, but we just woke up and faced reality. It may have had something to do with the recent Bank of America request for billions from the government. Since Aaron works for them and they say they're broke, it's not looking good for bonus time. Frankly, not getting a bonus may be the least of our worries. So we're in full-blown panic mode at this point because let's face it; if Aaron loses his job, we are homeless. Which means we'll have to move in with someone...anyone reading this site could be affected. So panic with us, will you?
Anyway, I decided to be very meticulous about my spending. I said I wouldn't buy anything but groceries and gas for the car for the next 30 days, just to see if I maybe, by some slight chance, am spending more than I think I am. Guess what I learned? I'm addicted to online shopping. Are you as shocked as I am????
I mean, I know I sometimes, occasionally get on and order a new pair of yoga pants. When I need them, of course. And sure, if the kids jeans are too small, I just order a new pair real quick. What I didn't realize is that every time my day gets rough or I'm in a bad mood, I'll just jump on the Sephora site and order a $15 lipstick. Or go to Bath and Body Works.com and order a few smelly lotions. These are my little "pick-me-ups" during the day. And there are waaaaaay more of them than I realized. I was doing this almost daily!!! Can you imagine? No wonder we're broke! I babysit during the day for extra money so I guess I justify my spending this way. Honestly, I never thought deeply enough into it to justify it. In fact, I don't even think I was aware of it.
But now, I've given myself a February 16 goal: no mindless shopping (online or otherwise) and no mindless eating. If I'm grumpy or sad or irritated, I am forcing myself to face these thoughts and feelings head on and "work through them" as a counselor once told me. You know what else I've learned these past few days? I have a LOT of feelings. And a whole hell of a lot of crap that I'm having to work through. In fact, it's exhausting. But I think it will be worth it in the end. I just need to warn y'all...if you are planning to call me, email me or invite me to do something any time in the near future, you might want to wait until after February 16. Because right now, I'm working on becoming a better person. Turns out, I'm not so pleasant when I'm trying to become a better person. If you decide to approach me anyway, just don't say I didn't warn you.