Friday, December 5, 2008

It's That Time of Year

It's that time of year. A time for joy, happiness and reflection on the previous year. I always try to think of ways to make next year better. I have about a gazillion and one things I'd like to improve about myself, but I've kind of hit upon a rough spot. Forgiveness.
Well, maybe not so much the forgiveness. I really don't have a problem forgiving people when they ask for it. I grew up in a family where fighting and getting over it were as much a part of life as changing underwear. So I get the whole "I'm sorry, It's ok" part of it all. Here's my problem. The forgetting and the letting go. Maybe it's ok not to forget, but how about letting go of it? This is my issue...if someone has hurt me and they say "I am so sorry I did that. I'm not sure why I said it/did it/felt that way, but I did and I apologize," I think I do a fairly good job of forgiving them. And I really, truly don't hold it against them. Trust me, I've done plenty of crappy stuff and I've been fortunate enough to be forgiven, so I'm not a fan of holding a grudge or refusing to forgive.
But what about this: Someone has hurt you and yet, they either don't think they have hurt you or they refuse to admit that they have hurt you. How do you move on from that? If they don't think they've done anything wrong, how can you be sure they won't continue doing the same thing? How about when you confront someone about how they hurt you and, instead of apologizing, they just start bringing up all the times you've hurt them? How do you get anywhere? If you're dealing with people who just "don't get it," do you keep giving them chances?
Here's my thing...we are all human. We all screw up. We all deserve second, third, fourth chances. But I also believe that you have to set boundaries so that you don't put yourselves in hurtful, negative situations. Being around people who don't feel kindly about you can't be good for your insides.
So what do y'all think? When do you forgive, forget and pretend everything is hunky-dory again and when do you just decide to forgive and then move on, eliminating a person from your life as much as possible?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I say life is too short to let someone be around if all they do is talk negatively about you and make you feel uncomfortable. If you are dealing with people which just "don't get it", then they won't get why you don't want to forgive and forget. My ex-husband and family would always say rude and underlying crappy things about me. I listened to it for years. Thank goodness I don't have to listen to it anymore. Tell them you have given them one too many chances and it is over. Good luck.