Monday, October 20, 2008

Negativity

You know, I've just about gotten used to negative comments and emails. Most of the negative comments I've had come from "anonymous" and like our pastor once said, "If someone doesn't have the guts to sign their name, then you don't need to pay any attention to what they have to say." Most of the negative things I've gotten are just general disagreements with what I've said, which I welcome. But this comment from Friday kind of bugged me:

Maybe you wouldn't feel so guilty if you let your husband go and do something on his own. Sounds like you are always the one going and doing and he is working hard to take care of his family. Not that a mother of 3 doesn't need a break occasionally, but so does a father of 3 who is providing the sole support.


First, let me just say that when you leave a comment, even if you don't put your name, your IP address is recorded, as well as the town in which that IP address is listed. So I know who left the comment. And maybe that's why it bugs me. Because I know who left it and she doesn't know a thing about me, my husband or our life.

Second of all, I agree with one of the statements: A father of three who is providing the sole support deserves a break. And not that I have to defend my actions of going to visit my brother for the first time in two years, but I felt like I wanted to let "anonymous" know this:
My husband is wonderful. And he is our sole provider and I try to let him know how much I appreciate him as often as I can. But he does get breaks. There are days at a time when my car doesn't leave the driveway. I babysit a small child during the day to help make ends meet so I don't have to ask for extra money when we're out of diapers and milk, so I'm stuck at home 5 days a week.
Aaron eats out every day, sometimes at 5 star restaurants. I realize he's working, but socializing and taking a 2 hour lunch break is a bit of a luxury to someone who has had to find ways to make turkey on wheat bread interesting. He also has a gym membership, with plenty of time to use it. He is in two fantasy football leagues, one of which held their draft on my birthday. I didn't complain once that I was home with three kids while he was out drinking with friends. He deserves the break.
He plays golf. He goes out of town at least twice a month and stays in a nice hotel. He has a mountain bike, which he takes to the biking trails and is gone for 2-4 hours on a Saturday.

Finally, I don't write about alot of the things he does because frankly, this is MY blog and it's about MY life. Talking about what he's out doing sounds like whining or complaining, in my opinion, which is why you don't know that he gets lots and lots of breaks. I don't, which is why it's so extraordinary for me to be leaving my kids for three nights. If I did it all the time, I doubt I'd have an ounce of guilt about it.

Sorry to be negative, but this comment really bugged me. I wanted to set the record straight and rather than let my husband handle it personally, like he really wanted to, I thought I'd just clear it up for everyone just in case there was someone else who thinks I am "always going and doing."

Have a nice day. Really.

11 comments:

Yo Sista said...

I read your blog everyday, or at least try. Sometimes I am in such a hurry I can't even look at the comments. Until this blog I never even thought that people would write rude-negative comments. Yes I know I am your sister so I do not think negative things about you or your blogs. I think they are funny & uplifting & I love you to pieces. BUT if I didn't why would I care enough to keep reading??? Why would I take the time out of my life to write mean, rude, cowardly comments??? I think I would go on about my business like this person obviously should have before "they" started trying to hurt others. Right now I'd like to say really rude things right back, but instead I'm going to pray for that miserable person that decided to "anonymously" criticize you. Someone would have to deep down be a negative, horrible person to type something to someone that they have no idea about. For the record, I think you rock, you are a great mom, a loving, thoughtful wife & an awesome sister/friend.

***And just FYI yall, she knows what shes got at home & she takes good care of him

Dodi said...

Thanks, Baby Sister! That was an awesome comment.
It mostly bugged me that the person who wrote it doesn't know a thing about my life except what she hears from you-know-who...so I know exactly where those thoughts and ideas were formed. Thank goodness I don't have to deal with that all the time anymore! :)
And thank goodness we have family like you to make up for meanies like that!

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry. You are absolutely right. I am a coward and it was not very christian of me to do. You are right, I don't know you or your family. But God knows I would love to. I just wish we could sit down and get it all out on the table and get past all of this. I wish I could go back and change past things that have happened. I can't. All I can do is move forward today and pray that one day, you may be able to forgive me. I sure hate to write all of this in here, but I don't know how to contact you otherwise. This will be the last comment I leave. I am sure Dodi, you are a wonderful woman and I am so sorry that I hurt you in any way. I was caugt in a weak moment, I think we all have those. Not an excuse that is for sure. I hope you can forgive me and maybe one day, we could have a heart to heart. The ball is in your court. Sorry again for everything.

Dodi said...

FYI-there is an email address on my blog so that if you have something to say that you don't want 40 other people to read, you can send a private email. Most considerate people do that when they want to say something negative but don't have the sole intention of hurting or embarrassing me.
I, personally, have nothing to do with the fact that we will not sit down and talk. That is not my choice. But I can guarantee that making an ugly comment for all of my friends and family to read did nothing but justify my husband's belief that we are better off without meeting and sitting down to talk about things. We don't need this dramatic, hateful crap in our lives.
For the record, I will forgive you, but that does not mean I condone yours or your family's behaviors.

NETTIE said...

DODI - OMG! I could not believe what I was reading today. I have never left you a comment before because I just email you when I need to tell you anything. I guess I just do not understand WHY someone would send you a mean comment. Seriously, if she doesn't appreciate the way you live your life - THEN SHE SHOULD STOP READING THE BLOG. It is really pretty easy - or else she should keep her rude comments to herself. ANY WHO - I assume you know who Annonymous is?! Well, I just want you to know I enjoy reading about you and your family. CHIN UP - have a great day. Lennet

Cort's Momma said...

HA HA now that is a funny one today! Sooo so sad! I wish this person really knew you and knew the type of person and you Aaron both are! Um its a blog you arent suppose to sit down and have a heart to heart with every reader that's craziness! I seriously cant quit laughing! Poor thing she may have some issues in her life with her husband or lack of husband! She must not realize that this is your blog not his! I read 4 blogs everyday and have never even thought about leaving a rude comment and trust me I have rude thoughts too I just choose not to write them down b/c its not NICE!! And yes I could do it anonymously but why do that b/c that defeats the purpose of telling someone how you feel!

Well Dode I wish I could say ignore rude comments but thats kind of hard since its your blog and you want to know what people think about your stuff. Soooo I say ignore the ones when they are too afraid to leave their name they arent worth it anyway! They must feel like they are a nobody! So pray for them!

Dodi said...

Thanks, Cort's Momma. It's hard to ignore, and nobody likes to be disliked. I want to say I don't care, but it hurt more than I'd like to admit.
Anyone who knows Aaron and I knows that we are both happy when the other person has an opportunity to get out and do something fun. Sadly, we don't get to do those things together very often b/c we rarely have a babysitter, so we have to do things solo. But I think we are both good to each other in that, if one of us wants to do something, the other never hesitates to say "go for it."
I do appreciate this person's apology, though, and acknowledgement that they don't know us at all. They are going off of what they've heard from someone who doesn't like me very much, so I guess it's understandable that they have misconceptions.
Ok, last post about this mess...It's already taken too much of our time! Thanks to all of you sweet friends who came to my defense. I appreciate it.

Anonymous said...

I don't know anyone here, but really, dispite the original negative comment, Annonymous did come back and apologize and make an effort to bury whatever it is that continues to poison your relationship.
It's hard to publically apologize so maybe meet her halfway?
I'm sure you are both good people.

Dodi said...

Thanks for your opinion, Anonymous (the other one). I did say that I appreciated the apology and I do forgive this person. But we do not have a relationship. She is close to a person who doesn't like me very well and is just regurgitating information she has heard. There's no halfway b/c I I've only met her twice and we don't have a relationship to salvage. I'm not mad at all and it really didn't change anything. I probably should have just taken it with a grain of salt and been glad that these people aren't a part of our lives.

Cort's Momma said...

How hard can it be to apologize anonymously?? Its not really an apology then if you ask me!

Cara said...

Based comment next to the last comment this kind of ended on a good note. I have learned from experience it is best to hear both sides before saying anything negative about anyone in particular if they are family (in law or out law:)