Friday, February 8, 2008

Morning Runs

I loooooooove to run in the morning. I love it. Especially when it's cold outside. I know most people hate running in cold weather, and use it as an excuse to stay in, but not me. I love to walk outside my warm, cozy house and feel the biting breeze on my face. I like knowing that, no matter how icy the air feels running down the back of my jacket, that after the first mile, I'll need to remove the jacket to keep from getting too hot. Love it.
Why don't I do this every day, you ask? Oh, that's easy. I'm a lazy bum. I have to get up by 5:30 in order to be on the road by 6 in order to be home by 6:45 so my husband can leave for work. And that's really early. Nevermind that, 9 years ago, I was up by 4:15 every day to get all my mileage in before work. Or that I have all dadgum day to recoup from an early morning run. I've just gotten lazy. But last night, I decided the laziness had to stop. I hate laziness and I don't want to be it anymore.
So I got up this morning. And it was wonderful. Except for the lady who snuck up behind me just as I was transitioning from walk to run. I guess she didn't really sneak, but she didn't notify me ahead of time that she would also be running on my street this morning, so I was surprised to see a person when I turned around in sheer paranoia, ready to use my key as a weapon at any time. I screamed a bit, and she apologized. "You should apologize, lady. You scared the bejeezus out of me. Who do you think you are, running on my street at the same time as me? Sheesh. Be more considerate." That's what I told her. Really. Ok, not really. I said "Oh hi, how are you this morning? I'm a little nervous in the dark. Hee hee."
Oh and then there was the dog. Now, this was a tad bit humiliating if anyone was watching. And if they weren't watching, they can read about it here. First of all, if you are reading this (as if my whole neighborhood is tuned in...."what will she say next?") and you are the one who let your wolf/dog out this morning with no leash and no supervision, I am very angry. It takes alot for me, one who has birthed three children, to hold in tee-tee while I'm jogging and your big-ass dog running up to me out of nowhere doesn't help matters one bit.
Ok, back to the dog. It probably wasn't a wolf, but that's what I thought at first. It was probably a German Shepherd. Or something. I don't know a thing about dogs and honestly don't care too. All I know is that it wasn't a weenie dog or Yorkie or something I could defend myself against. It was big enough to put its nose in my crotch while I slowed to a brisk walk (never run away from a will hunt you down and kill you, assuming you are it's prey, running to save your life. This is fact, people.), pretending not to be scared and trying to act as though I was in control of this whole situation. I wasn't. I was terrified. Seriously. I began to jab my key/weapon, placed strategically in that self defense position between two fingers. I yelled, "NO! Go home! Get out of here." And then, as if I didn't already look completely ridiculous, I began to yell toward the house from which this wolfly beast had run. "Hey! If this is your dog, you need to get it. Hello? Somebody? Please get this dog. I don't like dogs. I'm afraid of dogs, so get it." It's 6 a.m., remember? There are no lights on in that house. A light did, however, come on in the house next to where I was standing, so at least someone heard me.
No one came to rescue me. I continued to spin-walk, alternating between the key-jab and yelling at the dog to go home and leave me alone. He followed me for an entire block before he stopped in the road, glaring at me as if to say, "This is my turf, Fatty...don't come back again." Don't worry, Cujo. I won't.
I began to run again and all was well. My Kleenex blew out of my pocket and I ran after all three of them, but no one was watching. I checked.
I ran the entire 3 miles I had scheduled. Well, except for the dog incident, but that wasn't my fault. And then, when I hit my street, I began the cool down. I slowed to a brisk walk and began stretching my arms overhead. I felt amazing. And then, something really embarrassing happened. You know how, sometimes, when you run or workout kind of hard, it sort of "works out the kinks" in your body? Sometimes, you have to race to the potty...lucky for me, I just had a bit of gas. Loud gas. No biggie, right? I'm alone outside. Oh. And the little Chinese man who lives down the street and likes to sit on his porch in the early morning and enjoy his hot tea or coffee or whatever. At any rate, he got more than he bargained for this morning. I imagine him meditating quietly, getting ready for his day and watching his tiny puppy poop in the yard. His morning is serene and calm. Until the chubby lady from down the street comes roaring around the corner, farting as loudly as a Hell's Angels motorcycle. Sorry, Dude. I'm a runner. I gotta be me.

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