I'm here to warn you. Don't let their innocent smiles fool you. They are not nice children. They are conniving, lying, clever little toots. They are smart. And there are two of them. I never had a chance.
This was never so evident as it was yesterday morning. It started like any other morning. Eating, getting dressed, arguing over sippy cups. Nothing unusual. But then we discussed how Reesie was getting to be a big girl and maybe we should try again to get her to go tee-tee in the potty. So I took her diaper off of her and took her to the training potty in our room. She sat for a good 5 minutes, getting up intermittently and shaking her bottom and laughing. I could tell she wasn't taking it at all seriously, so I just said "Hey Reesie, if you are able to go tee-tee in the potty even just a little bit, we'll all go make cupcakes together." She agreed and said "Yeah, Momma, I do it!" I watched for a bit longer and then said, "Come get me if you need me," and she and Avery stayed in the bathroom.
A few minutes went by and nothing happened. Until, suddenly, both girls came out of the bathroom, shrieking with delight. "I went potty!" Reese declares. "She did it, Momma!" Avery says. "WHAT?" I say. This isn't the first time Reese has said "I did it," when all she did was sit there, looking adorable. So, I went to the bathroom to check out their story. And you know what? The little potty was full. I couldn't believe it. I said "Reese, you went potty?" She grinned and said "YES!" so excitedly, I couldn't resist picking her up and swinging her around, cheering for her and chanting her name. Avery said "Momma, I went on the big potty while she went on the little one!" "Good for you, girls," I exclaim. "I'm so proud of you! Let's go make cupcakes!"
Off we went to the kitchen. We were all so excited and happy. I went on and on about it. The girls never flinched or changed their story once. As I got into the pantry to get out cake mix and frosting, a nagging doubt reared it's ugly head. I had to ask. "Avery, did she really go tee-tee in the potty?" "Yes, Momma. Remember? You came in and saw it," she reminds me solemnly. "I know, I just can't believe it," I respond. And then I start to really question it. All of a sudden, I can't believe it. Because in all the times I've sat Reese on the potty, she has never, ever gone and seems to me to have a stubborn resolve against going on the potty. So I ask them both again. And again, they give me adorable, grinning assurances that indeed, Reese is a big girl and she did finally go tee-tee on the potty. I pull the Jesus card: "I'll bet Jesus is so happy that Reese is such a big girl. You know he can see everything you are doing, right?" "Right, Momma. He is so happy," Avery tells me. I feel sick at the thought that my child would lie right in front of the Good Lord, but I'm still suspicious. So, I grasp at the only thing left I can think of. "Ok, well, as soon as I check the tee-tee to make sure it's Reesie's, we'll make those cupcakes and party all day!"
And then the truth comes out. Avery sheepishly admits, "Ok, Momma. It wasn't really Reese. I did it." "What? You went potty and said it was her?" I ask. "Yes," she says. "Why?" as if I don't know. "Because I wanted cupcakes," she responds. "But why did Reese say it was her if it wasn't?" I ask. "Because I told her to." She isn't even upset about this. She doesn't seem embarrassed or sheepish or even disturbed by the depths of her deception. The only thing she seems slightly upset about is the fact that we are probably not going to have cupcakes. This doesn't stop her from asking if we will still be able to make them. As if she isn't in more trouble than she's been in in a looooong time. As if she didn't just tell about 15 bold-faced lies to her mother. Not to mention the fact that she is dragging her innocent 2-year-old sister into her tangled web of deceit. Nope. She showed no remorse. And it terrified me.
It hit me later today that this is the first of what is sure to be many, many con jobs they pull on me. And they will only get better. Let's face it, today, their matching stories and sweet grins almost worked. If it weren't for Mother's Instinct, I would never have questioned them. Let's just hope that instinct sharpens with age because I have a feeling their stories will be much more elaborate and well-rehearsed in the future. I'll say it again. I don't have a chance.