I really hate days like today. I have absolutely no reason to be a grump, but I am. Ok, I guess I have some reason (no decent sleep in over a month, no money AT ALL in my checking account, extra 5 pounds on the scale, not a moment without my children lately, including the solo trip to Oklahoma), but really, nothing a normal, sane person couldn't overcome. Problem is, I don't think I'm sane. I suffer from depression. And I'm sick of it. I am convinced it's a chemical problem and I am on meds, which help most of the time. Except when I forget them at bedtime, like I did last night. So I wake up from a fitful sleep, grumpy for no reason at all. It's days like today when, instead of working out, I make a dessert that I know I can't keep my hands off of. I also want to spend money I don't have on crap I don't need. And I can't decide if I want to start a fight with my husband or go cry in my bed. I want time away from my children after a full-tilt, solo weekend to Oklahoma with them, although snuggling with them seems to make me calm, happy and grateful. Basically, I don't know what I want. It kind of sucks.
But you know what? Just writing it down helps. After reading my ridiculous pity-party, sob-story and feeling almost too embarrassed to hit publish, I am going to publish. Then, I am going to go do 20 push-ups, 50 sit-ups and then eat the dessert I made. I feel better already.