Searches

I've always wondered how I had readers from Pennsylvania, North Carolina, and France. And when I say, "I have readers," I mean, I have had at least one visitor at least one time from each of those places. I usually average about 25-30 readers a day (more than I expected) and I have a sneaking suspicion they are all the same people (and I love you all for your loyalty!)

Anyway, my husband showed me the spot on Site Meter where you can see how a person would end up on my site accidentally. You know how, when you Google something, you get random websites sometimes? For example, you might google "chocolate brown tunic blouse" and you would get websites about chocolate or medieval times tunics or something equally off-base.

Well, apparently, my website pops up for people sometimes. It's clearly not at all what they were looking for, and I'm sure they never came back again, but I was shocked and tickled (did I really just say 'tickled'?) at the things people search for. Here are a few of the latest:

• staph infection


• lump in armpit the size of golf ball; golf ball sized lump in armpit; armpit lump huge; armpit ball; golf ball lump (apparently, this is a common problem for people)


• Alvin and the Chipmunks (tons of searches for this)


• I want to hear Urban Chipmunk (yeah, you do!)


• let's throw a fit (yes, let's)


• my first doctor's visit


• Vince Vaughn (yeah, baby)


• vicodin vodka (I'd like to meet this person...why would you search online for this combo? Were you just wondering what the best liquid for washing down vicodin would be? Were you thinking of suicide and looking for the best combo? Are you a desperate housewife, who, after reading my blog, decided that you needed this mixture to put you out of your misery? I like to think it was a college dude who just had knee surgery and he accidentally drank his roommates' night-before vodka instead of water to take his pain meds and was searching for possible side effects to see if he needed to go to the ER. I'm sure that's it.)


• spanking (uh....)


• spanking and scoring (I bet they were disappointed)


• boys spanking (really disappointed)


• balls armpits (wha....?)


• shoes balls (oh dear)

I had to stop reading at 'shoes balls.' It conjured up too many images in my disturbed mind. Maybe I'm the one who is a freak. I mean, maybe some old lady wanted to find a pair of shoes that don't hurt the balls of her feet. Or maybe a bowling alley owner needed to buy shoes and balls for his business. Or Cinderella's stepsisters wanted to buy a pair of shoes that they could wear to the ball. Nah, it was a sicko. And hey, sickos are welcome here. If you are the sicko that searched for shoes and balls and you maybe searched for it again (sicko) and wound up here again, welcome. Sickos need love too.